Shadows
by bonesmad
Summary: song fic using westlifes new song shadows. Brennan's lost him for read this time. but he's still everywhere.


I awoke with that awful taste in my mouth. The taste of the night before. I'd only had one glass though so my head wasn't too bad. But I nearly could have sworn I could smell waffles and eggs coming from the kitchen. I followed the smell and for a second I saw you at the oven. But I blinked and it all disappeared. The smell, the image. You.

_Mornings after_

_Still lingers_

_Just waking up_

_I see a shadow of you_

_Making breakfast for two_

I went for a drive after that, and ended up outside your old apartment building. I didn't go up to your place. I still cant. But I went to get coffee in the diner. Take away. I don't sit there any more. The waitress at the counter smelled like the perfume you got me last Christmas. God I'd give anything for it to be you standing in front of me instead of her.

_I go driving_

_Past our place and_

_I see this girl walk by_

_I smell her perfume_

_For a moment I wish it was you_

"Just go to the grave Sweetie." Angela smiled at me. "Talk to him."

"I can't. Firstly he's not even there. Angie." I reply. "What would I say."

"You told me years ago he made you promise to visit him."

"I thought I'd never have to keep that promise." I whisper.

"But you do Bren. Just go."

"I cant Ange. He'd want me to tell him I'm ok. But I can't. I'm not." I sigh.

"Have you gone to his place yet?"

"No I'm distancing myself. I'm not going back there." I say as I walk away from her. what I don't tell her is that I threw away my 'Foreigner' c.d., have stopped eating mac and cheese, only get take away at the diner now. I'm trying to eradicate everything that reminds me of him, everything I shouldn't have done. Everything that led to this.

_I'm not gonna tell ya_

_I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no_

_I'm tryin' to get over_

_I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes_

It's the little things that catch me. Seeing an S.U.V on the road. Walking past someone wearing your cologne. All those little things set off something and for a second I see you. almost like a ghost or a shadow. And I remember how things were.

_But I see shadows_

_Everywhere that I go_

_It's you, reminding me_

_Of how we were_

_Of how it was_

I see you everywhere now. Walking into the lab towards my office. In Parkers face. You're always there reminding me of what it was like to be truly happy. I just cant take it anymore.

_I see shadows_

_Everywhere they follow_

_It's you and memories_

_Of how we loved_

_I've had enough of your shadows_

I look at the calander in my kitchen it's only been four months. But it feels like years. For a few weeks I could still feel your hand on my back. The tingle of your lips on my forehead from that moment in the hospital. But now nothing. I cant feel you anymore. I just see you. and no one can tell me why.

_Four months gone_

_I can't feel you_

_I don't understand it_

_Where did you go?_

"Dad I'm going" I'd shouted.

"It's the day after the funeral baby."

"All the more reason to go."

"All the more reason to stay. You're not ok."  
"Of course I'm not! He's dead! For real this time. and I need to get far away form here now."

"Baby…"  
"It hurts Dad. And I shouldn't have let it get like this."

_I hate that you're all that I know_

_I'm not gonna tell ya_

_I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no_

_I'm tryin to get over_

_I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes_

I see you at night. I close my eyes and you're there. I cant get away from you. I just see the way things were. I trip and sometimes I wait for you to pick me up. I work late and somewhere in the back of my head I half expect you to turn up and send me home.

_But I see shadows_

_Everywhere that I go_

_It's you, reminding me_

_Of how we were_

_Of how it was_

You thought me how to love. You basically repaired me. I was broken shattered. You thought me how to live. And now when ever I turn around, you're there in the corner of my eye. And I'm beginning to for forget now how to love. And live.

_I see shadows_

_Everywhere they follow_

_It's you and memories_

_Of how we loved_

_I've had enough of your shadows_

You'd made that stupid line. You're the one who wouldn't, couldn't take that step forward. We lost years because of that line. I loved you for years, I mean yes I didn't know but you didn't push me. I wasn't allowed to love you. but I did anyway. And now you're gone but you still fill my mind everyday.

_You couldn't love me_

_So why won't you leave me_

_Shadows_

"Ange please leave me alone!" I roared and slammed my office door.

"Bren we need to talk." She said. "Booth just died."

"I KNOW! Please go away!" I collapsed against the door.

_Alone is the only place I want to be_

I walk through a shop and freeze. Handing on the wall is the t-shirt you were wearing the last time I saw you. I honestly cant go anywhere anymore without seeing you. remembering us.

_I see shadows_

_Everywhere that I go_

_It's you, reminding me_

_Of how to love_

_I've had enough_

"Bren what's wrong?" Angela asked coming into my office. I was sitting on the floor." The office was a mess around me. I'd ripped the place apart.

"I can't take it anymore." I whispered. "He's everywhere and yet I cant feel him anymore.

_I see shadows_

_Everywhere they follow_

_It's you, the memories_

_Of how we loved_

_I've had enough_

She held my hand as I stood looking down at your name. I heard your voice in my head asking me to promise you to talk to you. but I still cant. But I also cant take it anymore. Seeing you.

_Your shadows_

I know you're gone. I do. I know now that those flickering images of you aren't you. you're not coming back.

_It's you, the memories_

_Of how we loved_

_I've had enough of your shadows_

_Your shadows_

"Angie give me a minute. Please." I smiled. she nodded, smiled and walked away.

"I'm here. I'm talking." I said to the stone. "I see you everywhere Booth. and it hurts me too much. I can't escape and I never will. I love you Booth. And I hope you're always in the corner of my eye. Like a shadow…"


End file.
